THE STAGE HECKLER: Falling Victim to a Ruse to See...Ratt? Yep!

I got dragged to it, I swear!

Yep, I ate my 80s hair metal on Halloween night with Ratt...at the Snoqualmie Casino up I-90. A casino for Ratt, huh? How appropriate.

I really shouldn't complain, as I did get to see them for free...as my buddy needed someone to go with and covered the $30 ticket...but here I am.

Still complaining about it.

It actually ended up being three of us, as a third fella (a former co-worker of my buddy's) suddenly showed up and drove to it in a torrential downpour...I guess he was the backup plan in case I couldn't get talked into going, but I didn't put much thought into it until the day after when I was recalling the series of events.

Ratt is one of my buddy's favorite bands...but you must know something's out of place with the appeal of your band when you have to:

1. Use trickery and deception to get your friend to go to it with you.
2. Have a backup person to fall into the ruse if your first person fails to fall for it or bails on you.
3. Pay for both friends to attend the gig you designed the ruse around.
   

Anyway.

I'm not a bubble gum rocker, but the show was pretty good...at least they seemed like they'd rehearsed a bit and they weren't out of tune. It was of course Stephen Pearcy and the original guitarist, whose name doesn't come to mind. K.K. Downing? No, that's Judas Priest...Robbie Robertson? No, that's The Band (wow, I'm really out of it)...I guess I could look it up right now, here on the computer, but I'm too lazy to right now. Pathetic, huh?

So I'm trying to think who I listen to regularly who comes the closest to this band...hmm...Kiss maybe? And I'm not a super big fan of them either. Maybe Aerosmith? Not a big fan either.

I guess I don't really listen regularly to anything remotely close to Ratt. Oh well.

I tried to keep an open mind...yet here I am, apologetically putting up a post about the damn thing, as if I've been a bad doggie who pooped in the corner of the living room, and I'm expecting to get swatted at any moment.

They played all their "classics," if you want to call 80s bubble gum rock "classic." They went through their whole Out of the Cellar album from the early 80s with hits like "Round and Round" and "Come On Feel the Noise." Kidding! That's Quiet Riot...I was just seeing if you were paying attention.

There was lots of leather there, but unfortunately no screaming girls on the shoulders of their boyfriends showing off their shaking breasts to the band...no panties thrown onstage, either. Oh well...but Pearcy did seem to be bragging about how he's had his share of women over the years, and thought that he saw some out in the audience...or some with kids, whom he also seemed to take responsibility for.

Uh, can you say ick? ...and why would you brag about that when you're a burnout 80s rocker in your 50s, is that all you have to hold onto in the way of amusement? Your slutty rocker seed being sent spawning into random countless netherregions? God, I hope not.

That was pretty much the highlight of the evening...besides the man who won the women's sexiest Halloween costume contest, and the drunk girl at the beer line who seemed to be hitting on me...uh, no thanks rocker Betty. What else was a highlight...oh, the fact that I couldn't stop recalling the first time I heard a Ratt tune on the radio in 1984, and thought for the longest time it was a Judas Priest song. Goes to show you how much I know.

Trust me...I'll be sticking mainly to what I know on this blog...but just wanted to chime in with this random complaint about 80s hair metal live in 2009. I realize I'm probably coming across as a metal uppity.

Guilty as charged.

I will bathe, swim, and be drunk in my sea of 80s metal snobbery...because usually I find this 3 minute cheesefest 80s metal singles crap to be cheaper than the stank of Hello Kitty girl's perfume you find in the young women's section of Macy's. On most days I'd rather bloodlet my ears with leaches...don't believe me? Watch me do it.

Every now and then, however, I'll tolerate it...and consider even slightly indulging in it for one night...but only for a good friend, and only after a few beers...BUT then don't bug me with it until the NEXT TIME it's the 80s...as in the 2080s.

But, you ask, "Won't you be dead by then?"

God I hope so...my point exactly.